Prelude to a kiss

Hello everyone,

I am in great pain. I once was a family man and the pillar of my community. I am only half the man I used to be. I live now in the servitude of what family I have left which is my side of the family and my daughter. My friends have stuck with me and those who have escaped were not really my friends. You will know your friends as they will stay beside you even if they don't approve of what you have done.

I lost my childhood sweetheart and the love of my life in the process. Unfortunately, they are not one in the same. It will become evident to you in time.

I do not know where to begin my saga of love and lost love.

I will draw a line in the sand here as it is perhaps the most significant of our early correspondence. I had not physically seen her but we both knew there was a connection that extended beyond time and space and the temptation to be near one another kept growing inside both of us.

For the purpose of this exercise and to protect all of our loved ones my name is Jaan and my beloved twin flame is Jaanu. This couple Jaanu and Jaan had been ripped apart centuries before; just know the names are significant to the story.

Here is the prelude. Relax and enjoy for this journey is full of beauty and confusion. At the end of the day I will accept complete responsibility for my actions and the outcome. We don't get any chances to do anything over so when you fuck something up, make sure you fuck it up completely. You see failure is not the opposite of success. Failure means you are still trying. Quitting IS the opposite of success for when you quit you utterly fail....

I wish things were different but life isn't always going to grant all of your wishes. No worries, I haven't quit.

In the midst of a marital affair one tells a LOT of lies. It is the nature of an affair and I am not unique in this regard. I regret the lies I told and if I could do it over again I would have run straight to Jaanu and never batted an eyelash. She is and shall remain the love of my life. I hope someday she will forgive me and trust me again for I am only but half of the equation. Maybe in another lifetime, who knows?

Here is the first letter that Jaanu had written me which was the prelude for my visits and subsequent love. You have to remember I am married to someone else during this time and these are not letters from my ex wife.

"I think about us and wonder why do I love you so madly. The thought of you make every nerve in my body snap.  I feel like I have always loved you and have found you after a long time. I am almost frightened with the thought of losing you again..
I don't know what this is going to lead us to but I know our intention is not dishonorable. 

I don't know what fate has in store for us but I do know that I love you deeply and your happiness means the world to me. I would never want us to ever turn selfish and put our friendship over our families and its priorities. The truth also is,  I would turn stale and lifeless again if I was to block my heart and put off my feelings. You have  awakened me in a way I could have never imagined possible

I see you in my dreams just as you see me. you are always with me

lovey"

More to come.

Peace be with you,
Jaan