I still am working on forgiving myself. This isn't always easy.
While I don't reach out to the love of my life I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that I love her and I always will. Timing and clarity are not always concurrent.
It isn't everyday that one is in love with someone else while they are married. I had no idea how to act or behave.
Imagine living two lives. You are in pain from hurting long term loves and in pain from hiding your feelings.
You are in pain from being in love with someone who is married as well as living a living a dual life.
That rocked my world. It rocked everyone else.
I am not crazy however and one thing is for certain. She provided a catalyst to escape my former long term relationship. It was killing me.
I no longer have neurodermatitis, blood pressure issues or cardiac troubles. I run faster than ever and I am in perhaps the best physical shape of my life.
Toxic relationships are deadly. Jaanu saved my life. I owe her a debt of gratitude I may never be able to repay.
Breathing the fresh air today is a blessing.
Peace be with you,
Jaan
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